Danny: I am so excited.

Jamie: I am too, 'cause this guy is a hottie.

Danny: Way hottie.

Jamie: Yeah.

Danny: You know what? Can I tell you something? By the way, my buddy Joe Lando is on the phone. We're going to talk to him in a minute. He stars...

Jamie: (interrupting) But you...you're not doing it right. (Valley Girl accent) Oh my God, my friend *JOE*!

Danny: I'm sorry. (mimicking Jamie in a Vally Girl accent) Oh my God, my friend *JOE*!

Jamie: See that's better!

Danny: (still in a Vally Girl accent) He's so handsome! I'm so jealous! (back to his normal voice) I am so jealous. He is the only guy I know that is more successful than me that I'm happy for though. 'Cause that's how nice he is.

Jamie: I hate it when they're hot and successful.

Danny: Yeah me too. I mean I'm all short, red-headed, and squatty, and doing okay. He's like all gorgeous and really rich.

Jamie: Yeah that sucks. Danny: I so hate him. That's it. Hang up on him. I don't want to do the interview any more.

Jamie: Anyway, so you guys know him, most of you know him as...

Danny: As Sully.

Jamie: Right right right.

Danny: On "Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman." I thought he made the bravest move in the whole world.

Jamie: Why?

Danny: Here's how everybody knows him...by the way if you want to call and say 'Hi' to Joe, ask him a question about his new show, or his old show...1-877-88-JAMIE...1-877-98-DANNY, give us a call.

Jamie: Wait. You know what though...I'm, I'm concerned that we might not be able to do that, cause he's on a different phone system.

Danny: What do you mean? (one of the producers makes a comment in the backgroud)

Jamie: Oh, we can? Okay. Oh, cause I was scared. I thought it was all the other things.

Danny: So, but anyway, the second they cancelled "Dr."...here's how he was known, he was the really handsome guy with the LONG hair. The second they cancelled "Dr. Quinn" he just cut off all his hair. I'd have never been that brave. I'd have said, 'Let's keep the trademark hair and get another job'. He cut his hair off immediately.

Jamie: You know, ah, when they cancelled that, it was a big to-do. I mean people were writing letters and...

Danny: Oh, oh yeah! There's a bunch of...there's a bunch of "Dr. Quinn" movies...Joe's like, well let's talk to Joe and ask him.

Jamie: Hey yeah, let's! Hey we have this guy on the phone but we're not going to talk to him!

Danny: Today on the show we're going to talk ABOUT Joe Lando! (Jamie laughs) Ladies and gentlemen the star of the new Fox Family show, "Higher Ground", it premiers tomorrow night, January 14th, at 9:00 on the Fox Family Channel. My buddy and all-around good guy...

Jamie: Oh my god, my friend Joe! (clapping)

Danny: Joe Lando!
(clapping and whistling)

Jamie: Hi Joe! Wait, I have applause for you and everything.

Joe: Good morning. Good morning. Can you guys hear me?

Jamie: Yes.

Danny: Yeah, you're great.

Joe: Cause I've been sitting listening for like ten minutes and wondering if I'd get a chance to talk.

(Danny laughes)

Jamie: No! It's all about us.

Danny: How you doin?

Joe: Thank you for all the kind words Danny.

Danny: Oh no problem man. How you doin'? (Joe coughes in the background)

Joe: I'm feeling a little bit better.

Jamie: (sympathetic)Oooh.

Danny: Now you were scheduled to be on some television show yesterday and they said you were too sick to be there.

Joe: I got up yesterday morning, 5:30, to uh...get ready to go do KTLA Morning News, which is a great show. I love going on there.

Danny: Nice plug there Joe.

Joe: I got up, walked to the door, and uh Kirsten said I spun around like a ballerina and hit the ground. I passed out. I've never done that before.

Jamie: Oh, sadness.

Danny: Oh, I've seen you do that before, and you weren't sick!

(Joe starts to laugh and coughs)

Jamie: Excuse me, there's another issue here.

Joe: (to Danny) No you haven't.

Jamie: Another issue.

Joe: (Joe clears his throat) But anyway...

Jamie: (interrupting) But wait wait, wait! Joe, Joe Joe...

Joe: Yes, Ma'am.

Jamie: Joe.

Joe: Jamie.

Danny: Joe.

Joe: Yeah?

Jamie: Who's...Kristen? [my note - she did pronounce it that way]

Danny: Kirsten

Joe: Kirsten is my wife.

Jamie: OH! Damn it to hell! (Danny laughes) Nobody told me he was taken! Gosh darn it!

Danny: And you know what?

Jamie: Son of a bitch.

Danny: His wife is the female...the female equivalent of him. She's just very very gorgeous.

Jamie: Oh God! Just kick me when I'm down!

Danny: But I got...I got a vicarious thrill.

Jamie: Why?

Danny: She felt my wife's breasts the other night at PJ...what is it? BF Chang's restaraunt.

(Joe cracks up.)

Jamie: Oh that's nice.

Danny: My wife got the implants since the last time she saw Kirsten.

Jamie: So your wife got to *tell* you about it.

Danny: Yeah! But that was good enough for me man! I'm an old married dude! She came up and said, 'The hot girl just felt my breasts.'

Joe: Like fruit you know?

Jamie: Joe, Joe...Hey Joe, do you like affairs?

Danny:(laughes) Are you, are you soliciting...

Joe: Not if they're yours.

Danny:... are you soliciting sex from Joe?

Jamie: No. I just, I just asked him if he was into that.

Danny: So Joe, tell me about your new show "Higher Ground". What's it about?

Joe: New show's about um, a wilderness school for kids for who are at high risk um...kind of like what you would have been.

Danny: Right! I was totally thinking that.

Joe: Yeah, your career would have been so much different. Your life would have been so much different if it were like...people like Peter Scarbrow were there to save you. But uh, you wouldn't have all this material to work off of.

Danny: That's right!

(Joe clears his throat)

Danny: Oh my poor baby! Listen to him!

Jamie: Oh god.

Joe: I'm sorry about that. Um, but what we do is uh...you know we're like an Outward Bound type of school. We bring kids out there, we kind of take away all the bad crap that was in their life. We try to save 'em. Whether it's drug abuse, uh...sexual abuse, um...eating disorders...such, you know. Things kind of like that but...along those lines.

Jamie: So you're like following people right? Is that what..."

(Joe has to clear his throat his again)

Jamie: Oooohh.

Joe: What? I'm sorry.

Jamie: Can you put one of those in a kleenex and then describe it to us?

Joe:(laughing) I'm sorry.

Danny: (laughing) Like the Rorschach test.

Jamie: Yeah! I wanna...I wanna know what your, you know, what your insides look like.

Danny: Ooh, I see a...I see a bat and a spider kissing.

(Joe cracks up.)

Jamie: (laughing) Gross! Ohhh...

Joe: I apologize.I apologize.

Danny: No sweat buddy.

Jamie: No, but I have a question, real quick.

Danny: Actually before, before you ask your question, can I say actually it's very cool of you to be on while you're this sick. You could have just called and said 'I'm too sick.'

Joe: No way.

Jamie: Because, Joe I...

Joe: It's enought that yesterday I didn't make do for a few things.

Jamie: I had this as well. Now when you get that green stuff in your mouth, do you spit it out or do you swallow it?

Joe: I haven't had any of that yet, Jamie.

Jamie: Oh you'll get it. It's...

Joe: I mean, I think that was when you were dating a basketball team.

Jamie: Uh...

Danny: (chuckling) Oh, Joe was listening to the show, apparently.

Jamie: Ow. Ow. Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me, you bastard!

Danny: So, you've been now...it says here you're the co-producer of this show. I didn't know that.

Joe: Yeah. Danny, that's why uh...one of the reasons why I took the job was because I...not only did I just believe in this project, but I'm involved with Michael Braverman, who created "Life Goes On" and "Chicago Hope".

Danny: Yikes!

Joe: And Douglas Schwartz who did "Baywatch" for the past 12 years.

Danny: So you're, you're rich as a pig in poop.

Joe: (laughing) No. No Danny.

Danny: I know he is. (the rest of the radio team is laughing) I know he is.

Joe: You don't usually make money like that until it's played for, you know, quite a few years...(can't hear what Joe is saying as he's drowned out by Danny)

Danny: Yeah, kinda like "Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman"!

Joe: Yeah, which I didn't have a piece of. I was just a gun for hire on that one.

Jamie: Now, how much do you make a week on, uh, that show?

Danny: Thank you Jamie.

Joe: (Joe snickers) A hundred bucks.

Jamie: No honestly.

Danny: It's a Vancouver show. I don't think he's making the big bucks like he used to.

Jamie: Yeah. But it wasn't cable.

Danny: Oh, you mean "Dr. Quinn"?

Jamie: Yeah. How much did you make on that? Per week?

Joe: Oh...geez.

Jamie: Approximately.

Joe: A good...good amount.

Jamie: Like?

Joe: I was happy with the salary.

Jamie: Oh man.

Danny: I'll guess!

Joe: You guys are in show biz. You can kind of...guess.

Danny: Do you want me to guess for you?

Jamie: Yeah.

Joe: Let's not round up. [? this was hard to hear]

Jamie: Yeah.

Danny: I'm guessing...I'm guessing he started at...$12,000 an episode...and I'm saying...how long did the show run Joe?

Joe: Uh, six years.

Danny: I'm guessing he quit at $100,000 an episode. That would be my guess.

Joe: Nah, I started at 25, and I..I didn't quit at a hundred.

Jamie: (sighing) Ohhhh...

Danny: Wow! I love Joe!

Jamie: So Joe?

Danny: Can I be Kirsten?

Jamie: Joe, you're not a renter, are ya?

Joe: Uh, yeah I was.

Danny: Actually, he is. He has the first dime he ever made.

Joe: I just bought my first house.

Jamie: Really? You're a renter?

Joe: I rented...I lived in an apartment for the first three years of "Dr. Quinn" until I kind of really thought it had legs.

Jamie: Oh my god, that makes me feel better. Do you have a car?

Joe: Yeah, I have a car.

Jamie: (whining) Oh, I don't have a car.

Danny: Yeah, I know. Why don't you tell 'em what you bought your wife? As a...Mr. Fancy Movie Star. Didn't you buy her like an '86 Bronco?

Joe: Bought her an '87 Land Cruiser.

Jamie: Oh...well. (Danny is laughing) That's what she wanted? Really?

Joe: Yeah. That's what she wanted.

Jamie: Oh well. A used car at Christmas, when you make $100,000 an episode, I guess is nice.

Danny: No. It wasn't Christmas.

Joe: I didn't make $100,000 an episode.

Danny: He's totally though...I mean, I was telling these guys I went to...we went to...what is the name of that restaraunt we went to?

Joe: PF Chang's

Danny: PF Chang's. I get up and I go to the bathroom, when I get there the check is there. I just assume 'Joe the Gazillionaire' has paid for it.

Jamie: Right.

Danny: But I make the gesture of saying I'll pay for it.

Jamie: And don't you hate it when people go, 'Okay'?

Danny: (laughs) Yeah! Oh I...cause a lot...Joe and I have talked about that. A lot of people let us pick up checks these days.

Jamie: Yeah.

Danny: So, I go to pick up the check, *knowing* that Joe has already paid for this check. And I pick it up, and I open the check thing, and there's 3 credit cards and $60, and he has split the check amongst his friends.

Jamie: Joe, you're one of them there cheap bastards.

Danny: Or one of those...

Joe: Let's go back and...I've got the receipt Danny. If you remember, I picked up the thing, saw the cards in there...said my poor bastard friend

Danny Bonaduce (Danny starts laughing) he can't afford to pay for this. So...(Danny is cracking up) I put it on *my* American Express card...

Danny: And I left the tip.

Joe: ...and I told you guys just to chip in for the tip.

Danny: That is true. That is what happened.

Joe: Let's get it straight.

Jamie: What does a night out with Danny cost ya?

Joe: I don't know. I'd have to look.

Danny: $266

Jamie: Ohhh...

Danny: I left the tip. It was 50 bucks.

Jamie:...I'm a renter.

Danny: So, the new series, "Higher Ground", it starts tomorrow. That's Friday, January 15th.[my note: Yes, Danny got the date wrong] 9:00. What's the first episode about, on the Fox Family Channel at 9?

Joe: It's about three...we have some incredible actors on the show too. And this uh, first one centers on a character named Scott, who's a product of a incestual relationship with his step-mother.

Danny: Eww! On the Fox...?

Jamie: Oh those are my favorite! I do that. Ew...

Joe: I was an idiot not to have you at the screening Danny. I don't know what I was thinking about, cause you would have been a great mouthpiece for the show.

Danny: Totally!

Joe: (part of what he says is drowned out by Danny) It looks like a million bucks up there on the screen. I'm really proud of it. It's a great show. Please tune in. And uh...I've...

Jamie: That's awful!

Joe: What's that?

Jamie: A stepmom having...what? Eww...I'm a stepmom. This is gross to me.

Danny: Well, it's supposed to be. And Joe saves them.

Joe: It sounds gross to you, but it's reality.

Jamie: Oh...god.

Joe: As you can see there's a lot of kids out there who are messed up and uh, I think the show has a lot to it. And I'd like some people to tune in on Friday night if they could.

Danny: Friday night. 9:00. Fox Family Channel. Not only is he my very dear friend, but possibly the nicest guy I know. You deserve all this success.

Joe: Thanks very much Danny.

Danny: Ladies and gentlemen, my buddy, Joe Lando. Jamie: (clapping again) Yea Joe! Kill your wife! Oops, did I say that out loud? Just meant to think it.

Danny: Thanks Joe.

Joe: Bye Jamie.

Danny: You know what? I'm jealous too.

Jamie: Bye Joe.

Danny: The weird thing is with Lando, cause I really am jealous of friends that do well...

Jamie: Uh huh.

Danny: Shakespeare once said, 'It's not enough that I succeed, my friends must fail'. And I feel that way. He's so sweet, I can't be jealous. He's the nicest guy I ever met. (Jamie sighs) I hope his show does great, and I hope he makes a gazillion dollars.

Jamie: I think he's gay.

(They both laugh)

Danny: I think *you're* gay. His wife and kids are just just a cover.

Jamie: Right.

Danny: 1-877-88JAIME, 1-877-98DANNY, give us a call. Phone lines are open. I'll get it right this time. You're listening to Jamie and Danny. So uh, what did you think of my little friend Joe?

Jamie: I like Joe.

Danny: Aint' he great?

Jamie: Joe's a nice guy. The lung cookies were really a nice added addition. Danny: Well, I think it was sweet of him to come on that sick.

Jamie: It was. Absolutely.

Danny: If the guy is buying his wife an '87 Land Cruiser, you know he can afford not to come on the Jamie and Danny show.

Jamie: Well that's true. I like Joe.